Friday, December 23, 2005

impromptu: The World's Greatest Invention

The Juice wasn’t plannin’ on postin’ anything any time soon. If ya check out the last post, I’ve got some sweet things in the works. But, as the Juice was out cleanin’ up the mess the kids left from the ol’ Slip N Slide I got ta thinkin’ about things. You know, life and shit. Plus, I’m slightly baked, so what better thing to do, than write a half assed post.

So, what exactly was the Juice considerin’? One of the world’s greatest inventions (hence the title ya nitwit): the bikini. Didja here that????? That was Clarion’s Call. Yes, the bikini. I hope God rested well the day after he sent down the idear for the bikini. Cause he surely deserved it.

Dang, does the Juice LOVE bikinis. Truth be told, the Juice has got a thing for bathin’ suits period. But, when you’re picturin’ some sweet lil nothin’ travelin’ down your Slip N Slide (I’m referin’ to the product, not the hog. Perverts), ya wanna see her in a bikini.

Walk with me, will ya? Picture this, if you will (and if you know what’s good for ya, you will). A sunshiney day. Ya got your Superman Slip N Slide nice and wet. And here comes some sweet lil number, slip slidin’ away. All laughin, and gigglin’ and heavin’ in her red bikini. Or black. Or, wait. White. Oh, yea. White bikini. Now that’s nice. Some lil brunette laughin, and gigglin’ and boobs heavin’ in her WHITE bikini as she's slippin' and slidin down the old Slip N Slide (the makers of Slip N Slide sure were clever fucks, weren' they?). God, the Juice needs to get laid ASAP!!!!!

But, I digress…

Now, for all you potential the Juice girlfriends out there in TV land, here’s a helpful tip for ya. If ya really want to turn the Juice on, wear a bikini. Don’t waste your time with all that fancy lingerie. Yea…it’s nice. Whatever. Do me a favor, and put the bikini on. Really, want to turn the Juice on? Probably not, but fuck you. Put the bikini on in the dead of winter, ladies. I know. I know what your thinkin’. You’re thinkin’: “That sounds a bit warped, the Juice”. Yea, if THAT ain’t the pot callin’ the kettle black (what the fuck does that expression mean, anyway? Would one of you brain surgeons out there like to explain that to me?) Like your stockin’ fetish ain’t a tad bit wrong. And I won’t even mention,not only the wrongness, but the sheer stupidity of all those “Big Sausage Pizza” (I’ll do us all the favor and NOT hyperlink any links. Do a search, I’m sure somethin’ will come up. As it were) websites out there. You make me sick, you perverts.

Actually, now that I consider it, if you ladies really want to get the Juice goin’, fuck the bikini and put this on. That’s like Triple V to the Juice. Man, that’s so hot. This, though, makes me sad. Real sad.