Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Terrell Owens v Peyton Manning: Force Fight

A few weeks ago, “anonymous” posted this battle on my Force or Blasters post. For some reason, the Juice thought that this match-up would me somewhat entertainin’. I hope you don’t have something important to do over the next 5 minutes or so. Like save someone’s life, or give it real nice to Jessica Simpson. ‘Cause if ya do, and you’re passin’ up that to read this, you’re gonna seriously regret it. The Juice is just warnin’ ya.

So, on one hand we’ve got former Eagle (is he actually former Eagle at this point) and wide receiver extraordinaire, Terrell Owens. Lets face it, this dude really got the short end of the stick. Have you seen the cat’s stats? 130 receptions for 1,931 yards? That's in one fuck year!

I know. I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re thinkin’: “Yea, big deal the Juice. So what if Owen’s got 100 touchdowns. He’s a jerk! All’s he cares about is himself.” Oh, like Jeffrey Lurie gives fuck one about you "Eagles" fans. The Juice can guran-damn-tee that the only thing that Jeffrey Lurie cares about is money. And asses in the seats. Didja catch the current value of the Eagles? To Lurie, you’re just a non-payin’, tv watchin’, mooch.

But, I digress…

Let’s get something straight here. Not only has T.O. got 100 touchdown receptions, he’s only the 6th dude to ever do it. At this rate, not only is Owen’s gonna surpass Mr. Fancy Pants Jerry Rice’s all-time record, but he’s gonna beat it like hunter beats a 3 month old baby seal. Good and dead.

I gotta tell ya, when the big guy was handin’ out talent, Mr. Owens lucked out. Some dudes write barely funny shit for free day in day out. And some dudes get millions of dollars for catchin’ footballs 16 weeks a fuckin year. Yea, the Juice sees the fairness in that.

So what if the guy’s a jerk. That’s debatable. Is T.O. any more of a jerk than Donald Trump? Or Mikhail Baryshnikov?

Then there’s goody two shoes, Peyton Manning. Dang, this guy is so squeaky clean he makes Mickey Mouse look like a pimp. Yea, the Colts are undefeated. Big deal. Someone will beat ‘em eventually. Say what ya want about T.O. At least he’s got some personality to ‘em.

In the end, the Juice don’t give shit one about passing records, reception records or beat off records. The Juice only cares about this. And that blonde in the lower left hand corner? She wants me.


Blogger the Juice said...

Oh yea...the Juice forgot. Peyton wins the force battle.

7:02 AM  

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