Thursday, December 18, 2003

My Promise to You, Dear Reader

Here’s my promise of commitment to you, dear reader:

I promise, nay, I guaran-damn-tee, that there will always be some sort of spelling error, grammatical error or all around faux pa that will get on your completely anal nerves. I will say and do things here that WILL piss off a elementary school reading teacher (for instance, the error in this sentence. Ha! Ha! Fuck you Ms. Hudson! And you said I would never pass 3 grade reading. Well, fuck off!) Why do I make this promise to you? Two fold.

1) I am entirely too tired (read: lazy) to go back and proof my work. Yes, I am fully aware of the spell check function included in most word processing programs. I reiterate. I am too tired (read, again: lazy) to perform that function. Which brings me to my next point…
2) I do this for you, dear reader. This way you can feel superior to me. Because like you, I’ve been beaten down by the “man”. And there aren’t many things in today’s world that we can do that make us feel better about yourself and our station in life. With everything bein’ so damned PC, you can come here and gloat over you intellectual superiority. “Oh, look at that jackass Bruce. Not only can’t he spell, but he can’t even use the spell check function. What a complete jackass. We are so much better than him.” See, now don’t you feel better? That’s my whole point. Come here, feel better. Then go back to your pathetic, anal lives!

This is my promise to you. If you have any questions, comments or concerns, I couldn’t really give a fuck. I deal with questions, comments and concerns every fucking day. This is my place. If you don’t like it, deal with it, but come back. Cause I like you. Really. I do!

Brewster Ian Brockman
“Bruce the Juice”